The Drifting Psychology
All of us must have exprienced some or the other kind of unfavourable or heartbreak events. Be it of any kind. Either from girlfriends, freinds or some of you family members. It can merely be due to expectations but it's not totally confined to it. There is much more which we need to learn in order to understand how to keep ourself happy.
I can only share my experience as examples and it's upto you to co-relate it with your life. And I can even bet that may be some of you could have much worse exprience than me but trust me I understand how does it feels.
My life was rather a lonely type from the begining. I am the only child of my parent so you can assume that there no competition or there is the toughest competition for me. I had my pre-school friends but I don't know why none of them were close enough for me to claim them as my bestiee. Then we grew and school changed, friends lost, no regret, as none if them were close. Schooling was boring for me for the same reason. Still to tackle down this lonliness, I initiated a club and within three days all of the school students were a part of it. I and one of my friend made some rules and regulations and we both were the co-ordinator of the club. We named it "Knight Wings". It was perfect club with free membership and free support for the students of same school. While we were a little bit slow in approaching the other schools still the results were satisfying. It gave me an oppertunity to engage myself and allowed me to forget my lonliness. Everything was fantastic untill, there was a situation at my home and I was compelled to stay at home for a week, I never bunked any classes without any valid reason and in fact this was the first time I was absent for long period. And when I resumed my schooling, there was a surprise waiting for me. I was no longer the part of my own club. It was disappointing. Now the new manager of the club was my only friend with whom I formulated this club. And it was his decision only to eleminate me from the club. And that was the moment when I completely lost trust in friendship. He not only took my company but gave me a lifetime lesson to not to trust any one, along with the same lonliness. I left that school after that, or you can say that my mom got a job in a different district and I insisted to move with her. I joined new school and found new friends. They were a little close to me but still I feared to trust them. But one of the friend was there. He was unique in a way that we were not friend for anything. I mean we had nothing in common instead of one thing, story telling. We made our own stories and tell each other. And that storytelling only allowed us to strengthen out bond of friendship. His name was Ayush, and even now despite being far from each other we still are together in our hearts. There is a kind of understanding between us. But there are many more surprises for life. I studied there for next four years and then I came back where everything started. I found none of my friends. Then in higher education I made no new friends and two years passed although is was ok with the classmates as long as they remain classmates. After that I joined some classes for competetive examinations to get admission in medical college, and same here too. Three years passed but one thing didn't changed, my friendship for Ayush, and I can bet neither his has changed, even the slightest. I made no memories until I joined B.Tech and realised that I must have a story of my own to tell. So I started enjoying the moments, hanging out with whomever I find, fun and masti with everyone. I turned myself reckless partyboy. No restriction with fun as long as they do not interfare with my personal life. But it was my weakness, I exposed my weakness to everyone and some of them noticed it, you can say. I allowed some to be my close friend and complicated my life. Ofcourse we lived as if there were no tomorrow but there came the expectations. They had some from me and I had some from them. But as you know expectations brings sorrow. It did, I unable to fulfill their expectation hurt them and I even regreted for it. And when it was their turn, it hurt me more. It was rather surprising than shocking, because the their aproach were indirectly pilitical rather than direct emotional. May be it was me who is responsible for it, but as far as I see, it was me only who faced the circumstances. Well I felt disappointed but never the less I enjoyed my condition too.I had the feeling that because of my mistake they are gonna be in trouble but now I have got a neutral nerves for them. No feelings, no emotions just formality. I don't know how many of you have faced these kinda of situations but if you have ever faced something similar you surely must understand what my mind is feeling and trying to convey. As far as my morals are concerned, I am trying hard myself to isolate against this world. It may sound strange but deep within it is somewhat different, different in various aspects. Which is something beyond my words to expressss.
I can only share my experience as examples and it's upto you to co-relate it with your life. And I can even bet that may be some of you could have much worse exprience than me but trust me I understand how does it feels.
My life was rather a lonely type from the begining. I am the only child of my parent so you can assume that there no competition or there is the toughest competition for me. I had my pre-school friends but I don't know why none of them were close enough for me to claim them as my bestiee. Then we grew and school changed, friends lost, no regret, as none if them were close. Schooling was boring for me for the same reason. Still to tackle down this lonliness, I initiated a club and within three days all of the school students were a part of it. I and one of my friend made some rules and regulations and we both were the co-ordinator of the club. We named it "Knight Wings". It was perfect club with free membership and free support for the students of same school. While we were a little bit slow in approaching the other schools still the results were satisfying. It gave me an oppertunity to engage myself and allowed me to forget my lonliness. Everything was fantastic untill, there was a situation at my home and I was compelled to stay at home for a week, I never bunked any classes without any valid reason and in fact this was the first time I was absent for long period. And when I resumed my schooling, there was a surprise waiting for me. I was no longer the part of my own club. It was disappointing. Now the new manager of the club was my only friend with whom I formulated this club. And it was his decision only to eleminate me from the club. And that was the moment when I completely lost trust in friendship. He not only took my company but gave me a lifetime lesson to not to trust any one, along with the same lonliness. I left that school after that, or you can say that my mom got a job in a different district and I insisted to move with her. I joined new school and found new friends. They were a little close to me but still I feared to trust them. But one of the friend was there. He was unique in a way that we were not friend for anything. I mean we had nothing in common instead of one thing, story telling. We made our own stories and tell each other. And that storytelling only allowed us to strengthen out bond of friendship. His name was Ayush, and even now despite being far from each other we still are together in our hearts. There is a kind of understanding between us. But there are many more surprises for life. I studied there for next four years and then I came back where everything started. I found none of my friends. Then in higher education I made no new friends and two years passed although is was ok with the classmates as long as they remain classmates. After that I joined some classes for competetive examinations to get admission in medical college, and same here too. Three years passed but one thing didn't changed, my friendship for Ayush, and I can bet neither his has changed, even the slightest. I made no memories until I joined B.Tech and realised that I must have a story of my own to tell. So I started enjoying the moments, hanging out with whomever I find, fun and masti with everyone. I turned myself reckless partyboy. No restriction with fun as long as they do not interfare with my personal life. But it was my weakness, I exposed my weakness to everyone and some of them noticed it, you can say. I allowed some to be my close friend and complicated my life. Ofcourse we lived as if there were no tomorrow but there came the expectations. They had some from me and I had some from them. But as you know expectations brings sorrow. It did, I unable to fulfill their expectation hurt them and I even regreted for it. And when it was their turn, it hurt me more. It was rather surprising than shocking, because the their aproach were indirectly pilitical rather than direct emotional. May be it was me who is responsible for it, but as far as I see, it was me only who faced the circumstances. Well I felt disappointed but never the less I enjoyed my condition too.I had the feeling that because of my mistake they are gonna be in trouble but now I have got a neutral nerves for them. No feelings, no emotions just formality. I don't know how many of you have faced these kinda of situations but if you have ever faced something similar you surely must understand what my mind is feeling and trying to convey. As far as my morals are concerned, I am trying hard myself to isolate against this world. It may sound strange but deep within it is somewhat different, different in various aspects. Which is something beyond my words to expressss.
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